Yin Jianli: What should you do when your child has a \”bad classmate\” around you?

Every child is likely to encounter a \”bad classmate\” at school. If parents need to step forward, they can deal with different objects in different ways. The bottom line is that they must not hurt the \”little enemy\” physically or psychologically. Rather, respect that child as you would your own. After Yuanyuan skipped a grade and was promoted to fourth grade, she had no difficulty in studying. She quickly became familiar with the classmates in the new class and had some of her best friends. Overall, things are going well. The only thing that bothered her was that she was often bullied by a little boy in the class. This boy is a so-called \”poor student\”, here I call him Sun Xiaoli. He sat behind Yuanyuan. I heard that he used to bully other female classmates in the class. Since Yuanyuan arrived, he has mainly focused on bullying Yuanyuan. He always grabbed her round pigtails from behind during class. After class, he snatched her textbook and threw it on another classmate\’s desk in the distance. He watched her anxiously go around in a large circle to find the book. When she was about to get close to the book, he Run ahead, grab it, and put it on another table far away. Often when class is about to begin, Yuanyuan is still busy chasing books in the classroom. Sometimes Yuanyuan was playing with other classmates after class when she was suddenly pushed by him and almost fell down. Yuanyuan often comes home and complains to me. It seems that this little boy makes her a little worried. The classmates in Yuanyuan\’s class saw me and complained: \”Auntie, Sun Xiaoli in our class always bullies Yuanyuan. You should go and sue the teacher.\” I never went to the teacher. First, I felt that little boys are inevitably naughty, not how old they are. Just tell Yuanyuan not to care about him. Second, I feel that Yuanyuan has already talked to the teacher about this matter. If I go and talk to him again, the teacher will not solve the problem even if he criticizes him. I hope Yuanyuan can solve these problems on her own. In my opinion, this little boy only brings trouble to Yuanyuan. It will be fine if she goes home and talks about it. It cannot cause any psychological harm to her, so I am not worried. Come forward. The bullying in fourth grade wasn\’t too serious, but in fifth grade it was a bit too much. In addition to the previous pranks, \”harassment\” behavior also occurred. One time he called home and Yuanyuan answered the phone. He shouted \”I love you\” on the phone. Yuanyuan was so frightened that she threw away the receiver and came to me angrily and said, how did Sun Xiaoli know our phone number? Let’s change the phone number quickly! I began to think seriously about Sun Xiaoli. I felt that there might be something wrong with this ten-year-old child, but I didn\’t know what to do for the moment. Another thing happened very quickly that forced me to act quickly. Yuanyuan seemed to be in a bad mood when she came home from school that day. She had to change clothes and wash her hair as soon as she entered the door. I asked why, and she groaned for a long time before reluctantly telling me that this afternoon when she was playing with her classmates outside the classroom, Sun Xiaoli hugged her from behind and kissed her hair. The teacher happened to see it, criticized him and made him stand up. It seemed that this incident really made Yuanyuan very unhappy. She held back her tears and asked me if she could talk to the principal and expel Sun Xiaoli. Yuanyuan\’s father had long been dissatisfied with the little boy. Now he was so angry that he said he would go to the parents of this bad boy and ask them to beat him up. According to my intuition, looking for such a childHis parents are useless. If they beat him, he may not do any bad things in the future. I don\’t expect the teacher to have a solution. I want to find a fundamental solution. I said to Yuanyuan: \”Mom will wait for you at the school gate tomorrow when you are out of school and talk to Sun Xiaoli.\” The next day I bought a copy of Zheng Yuanjie\’s fairy tale \”Pipiru\”, which Yuanyuan and I both liked. fairy tale book. On the one hand, this is a \”bribery\” item, and on the other hand, I want him to read a little bit. Reading can promote moral cultivation. The former Soviet educator Suhomlinsky said: \”I firmly believe that a young man\’s self-education begins with reading a good book.\” I waited for her at the gate of Yuanyuan School. She came out early and waited with me for Sun Xiaoli to come out. After a while, Yuanyuan pointed to me a child who was wearing loose clothes and looked a little sloppy, and called him over. I told him that I was Yuanyuan’s mother and wanted to talk to him. He may have thought that I was here to settle a score with him, and his eyes showed fear, which then turned to show defiance and indifference. \”Don\’t be nervous. Auntie is just here to have a casual chat with you. Can we talk?\” I squatted down. His expression was a little surprised, but his mood softened somewhat. At this time, several classmates gathered around me. I didn\’t want them to gather around me, so I pulled Sun Xiaoli away, but the little boys still followed me. I had to ignore them. I asked Sun Xiaoli pleasantly: \”Do you think Yuanyuan is a good classmate or a bad classmate?\” He replied: \”A good classmate.\” He was a little shy. I asked: \”What is good about her? Tell me.\” He blurted out: \”Study well.\” After thinking for a while, he said: \”Don\’t make trouble.\” Then he fell silent. I asked: \”Is there anything else?\” He thought again and said: \”Don\’t curse or bully others.\” I asked again: \”Then what are her shortcomings?\” He was a little embarrassed and said in a low voice: \”No shortcomings.\” I said: \”Yuanyuan is a good classmate. If someone bullies her, do you think that\’s right? ?\” He shook his head. \”Then will you bully her?\” He hesitated again and shook his head. I smiled and patted his arm and said, \”What a good boy.\” At this time, several little boys next to him were dissatisfied and said, \”Auntie, don\’t believe him. He often bullies Yuanyuan. He has promised the teacher many times.\” , and once the guarantee is over, another mistake will be made. Sun Xiaoli looked dissatisfied and slightly ashamed. I said to the boys: \”Sun Xiaoli was like that before, but he won\’t be like that anymore.\” I asked Sun Xiaoli trustingly, \”Do you think so?\” Sun Xiaoli\’s eyes suddenly filled with luster, and he nodded. At this moment, I saw the kindness of this child, and I vaguely felt that the child\’s behavior must be related to his parents\’ parenting style, so I wanted to talk to his parents, hoping to completely solve this child\’s problem. So I asked: \”Which unit do your parents work in? Can I talk to them? Don\’t worry, I promise I won\’t file a complaint.\” This made the child feel very embarrassed and his mood plummeted. At this time, a child who was watching whispered to me: \”Auntie, please stop asking.\” I immediately realized that Sun Xiaoli\’s family might have problems, so I stopped talking and apologized to him: \”Oh, I\’m sorry, I won\’t tell you. This is it.\” I took out \”Pipiru\”” told him that this book was very good, and Yuanyuan loved reading this book, and asked him if he wanted to read it. He nodded. After reading the book for a while, my eyelids drooped again. I put the book in his hands and said, \”This book is for you. Go home and read it. In addition, Yuanyuan has many good books at home. If you want to read them, you can ask her to bring them and lend them to you.\” Look, you can return one after reading it, and then borrow another one, okay?\” He took \”Pipilu\” with both hands, his eyes shining. Nod again. There were more and more children in front of me. I was afraid that Sun Xiaoli would be under psychological pressure, so I said, let’s just do this today, okay? He nodded anyway. He looked very well-behaved. He must not have expected that I would solve the problem with him like this. I led Yuanyuan home, and the little boy who just didn\’t let me ask about Sun Xiaoli\’s parents came over and mysteriously told me that Sun Xiaoli\’s father was in prison. I was a little surprised, and then told the boy that his father was in prison. He must be very sad and didn\’t want others to know. As long as we know about this, don’t tell others about it in the future, okay? The boy immediately nodded sensibly. Since then, Sun Xiaoli has never bullied Yuanyuan again. After a while, I asked Yuanyuan to bring him a fairy tale book by Zheng Yuanjie. I asked Yuanyuan if Sun Xiaoli had read these two books. She said she didn’t know and was unwilling to ask him. Maybe she still tried to avoid Sun Xiaoli as much as possible, not wanting to provoke him. But I heard from her that Sun Xiaoli no longer bullies girls, but he still gets criticized by teachers for other reasons. One time Yuanyuan went to the teacher\’s office to deliver homework. The teacher called Sun Xiaoli\’s mother. His mother looked very angry and suddenly stood up and kicked Sun Xiaoli several times. When Yuanyuan said this, her tone showed panic. Such a scene was too incredible for her. I said to Yuanyuan: \”It\’s really wrong for his mother to do this. It hurts the child\’s self-esteem too much. In such a family, what can the child do? His fault is actually not his fault, but his parents\’ fault. So don\’t discriminate against him When other students say discriminatory and insulting words to Sun Xiaoli, you should stop him. Don\’t treat him as a bad boy. He is just an ordinary classmate. Everyone treats him equally now. Only when he grows up can he become a normal person. \”I later heard a sentence from a TV program about animals, saying that traumatized baby elephants mature sexually early and are highly aggressive. This may explain why this child has the above conditions. I feel a little sorry for Sun Xiaoli and want to help him. I want to talk to his mother and change the way of education. Children are so malleable. But the way his mother looks, I\’m a little afraid of her, and I\’m not sure I can communicate with her. Moreover, I was very busy at work and often worked overtime. Later, I stopped hearing Yuanyuan talk about Sun Xiaoli, and I didn’t think about this issue anymore. Now that I think about it, I feel regretful. Maybe it would have been better for me to talk to his mother. Hopefully the kid is doing well now. We left Yantai after Yuanyuan finished fifth grade, and there has been no news about the child since. Hopefully he can grow up normally. In 2006, I read an incident in the newspaper. The parents of a girl in a primary school in Beijing were charged because their daughterMy son had a minor conflict with a boy at school, and went home crying to his parents. The couple went to school the next day to settle the score with the little boy. The couple went straight to the little boy and beat him so violently that he died. This tragic incident left two families devastated. These parents not only ruined their own future, but also allowed their beloved daughter to grow up alone without her parents. Taking a step back, even if nothing happens to the boy, this behavior of the parents is still abhorrent. From a distance, how can their behavior teach children how to behave? From a close perspective, it would be embarrassing to go to school like this. How would their daughter be able to hold her head up in school in the future? They are not only taking away the joy of their daughter\’s current school life, but also teaching her to be a vindictive person and taking away her future happiness. Every child is likely to encounter \”bad classmates\” at school. If parents need to step forward, the purpose should be to help their children solve problems and resolve conflicts, rather than seeking revenge. There are different ways to deal with different objects. The bottom line is that you must not hurt the \”little enemy\” physically or psychologically, but respect that child as you respect your own child. At the same time, you must consider the impact of the method you use on your child\’s personality and behavior, as well as its impact on his future interpersonal relationships. If you love your child, help him create a harmonious situation and don\’t cause trouble for him.