You really don’t have to make your child’s life path too smooth.

I read a story when I was pregnant. It is said that there is a little boy. His parents read various expert works, regularly attend a series of parenting lectures, and train themselves with all the parenting methods and practical knowledge recommended by society, determined to raise a child who is completely free from anxiety. Thus, the little boy is nursed, weaned and toilet trained at the right age and in the right way. His parents made precise calculations of his developmental stages before deciding on his baby sister\’s birth date to avoid emotional trauma from her arrival. Parents identify possible sources of fear in their little boys and find ways to eliminate them one by one. They changed nursery rhymes and fairy tales; mice\’s tails were never cut off; ogres ate oatmeal instead of human flesh; the magic of witches and villains did not cause harm; a slight punishment or a gentle rebuke could bring relief. They reformed. There is no death in the fairy tale world, and there is no death in the little boy\’s world. When his parrot died, before he woke up from his nap, the body had been disposed of and replaced with a new one. Unfortunately, despite all these measures, the little boy is often frightened and, like any child his age, wakes up from nightmares involving terrifying giants. The stories he made up are also full of violence, and the way to punish bad guys is to chop off their heads! Although he made a lot of preparations for the birth of his sister, he still did not welcome her arrival. Instead, he went against his parents\’ wishes and was busy plotting to get rid of his little sister. The conclusion of the story is: In fact, no parenting method can completely protect children from negative emotions. After reading it, I just felt that I would never be such a parent in the future. But after giving birth to CC, I felt more and more that this might be something every parent can’t help but do. Let those bad emotions of sadness, depression, and fear stay farther and farther away from my children; make the road of my children’s life smoother and smoother. And just a few days ago, I almost did such a thing. It was the last working day in April, the day CC went to kindergarten for two months. CC Kindergarten has a perfect attendance system for babies (although I personally don\’t like this). Babies who have perfect attendance of the month will receive a certificate at the end of the month, and their photos will be hung on the class honor list for the next whole month. In the first month, when CC got his first certificate of achievement, our whole family couldn\’t help but be excited. But in the second month, due to family matters, I had to take half a day off one day to pick her up early after her nap. So when I was sent to kindergarten on the last day of April, the teacher told me with great regret that CC was only half a day away from being a perfect attendance baby again this month, which was really a pity. I heard the teacher\’s voice. There is no clear rule in the kindergarten about whether attendance can be counted for one day or most of the day. If I persist and intercede, maybe CC can still be a perfect-attendance baby this month. Thinking of CC\’s frustration that she thought she went to kindergarten on time every day but was not on the podium, and the disappointment of watching her photo being taken off the honor roll. At that moment, I almost blurted out something like, \”Teacher, please be accommodating. The only difference isEven if you work for 3 hours, it will not be considered as absence. Moreover, this is not the child\’s fault. She left early because of family reasons. \”But in the end, I still swallowed the words that came to my lips. After coming out of kindergarten, I was shocked by my previous thoughts. I have never cared about the reputation of perfect attendance, but for the sake of my children, I almost even speculated like this. Everything was done. The moment before I said the words, three questions appeared in my mind: I kept her at full attendance this time, can I do it every time in the future? Deliberately help her avoid the setbacks on the road to growth, so that I can Can\’t even bear the loss of \”not being able to attend full time\”. Do I want to raise such a fragile child? In minutes, the answer becomes clear. Every parent has the heart of the Virgin, and we always love when we should When we are children, we love too little; when it’s time to let go, we do too much. We only want to make our children happy, and we walk on thin ice in the process of raising them. We can’t help but keep out all negative emotions. But we often forget , besides happiness, life has many melodies. Fear, frustration, and anger are all part of our emotional world. At the beginning of life, a child is like a small animal pursuing happiness, and the early personality is formed around her desires and physical needs. In the process of raising children, we must adjust the child\’s goal of \”only pursuing happiness\” so that the child\’s basic needs must be subject to moral and social constraints. The child must be able to delay gratification, and even in some cases Completely give up a certain wish. In this process, they will naturally encounter various setbacks and grievances. They will cry, scream, and resist to vent, but in the end, they will become familiar with these emotions and be able to control them calmly. Emotions. Isolating negative emotions is depriving children of their ability to deal with emotions. A childhood with only success and no setbacks will only create mentally fragile children. Every calamity you help him block today will be paid back twice as much in life in the future. . As each child grows up, his happiness will be interfered with. This is not only due to practical considerations in terms of health, safety, family needs, etc., but also because we want to train our children to become an educated and mentally healthy person. . Children look very weak, but in fact even the most vulnerable children have the instinct to resist frustration and fear. At the beginning of life, any accident is actually a danger to the baby. A sudden loud noise, a sudden shot Bright light is enough to \”frighten\” them. When one day she realizes that her mother will disappear from her sight, he will also have separation anxiety. But soon, we will find that repeated experiences can help the baby overcome the danger At the same time, they also begin to develop another ability to deal with \”danger\” – anticipating the arrival of \”danger\” and preparing for it. Just like discovering that their mother has disappeared for the first time, the baby will feel scared. But After a few times, as soon as he saw his mother getting ready to go out, he had a premonition of the terrible thing that her mother was about to leave. He would still cry and protest, but your departure no longer frightened him, because he had already learned to be mentally prepared. . All abilities to deal with negative emotions are gained through practice. Children’s ability to withstand stress and proactively deal with anxiety in the futureStrength depends largely on early experience. Before a child develops the ability to deal with dangers, he will need to rely on his parents to meet his needs, relieve stress, anticipate dangers and get rid of troubles for a long time. For babies, parents are not only very powerful, able to see through their own secret wishes, but also able to satisfy their deepest desires. But this kind of strength does not help him kick away every stumbling block on the road of life, but recognizes his emotions and feelings when he faces stumbling blocks, and gives him the courage and method to overcome setbacks. Give your children the power to rely on you to learn to relieve stress and reduce fears. Just like the story mentioned at the beginning, if the child finally learns how to overcome his fear, there is no need to panic because of all the fear factors in the child\’s life. Too much neglect of a child\’s feelings and too much emphasis on a child\’s feelings are inherently harmful. You really don’t have to make your child’s life path too smooth.