You would rather die in your stomach than say these words to your children, otherwise you will only ask for trouble.

Psychologist Marshall Luxemburg once said: \”Maybe we don\’t think that the way we talk is violent, but language does often cause pain to ourselves and others.\” He deeply agrees. In real life, some parents often fall into the misunderstanding of violent communication and hurt others without realizing it. With a condescending attitude and unscrupulous words, they try to stimulate children\’s sense of guilt and guilt by settling accounts. However, such an approach will not only fail to gain gratitude from the children, but may also lead to hostility and alienation from the children. Therefore, don\’t try to use your words to cause lifelong trauma to your children. Especially the following words, do not say them to your children easily, otherwise you will eventually suffer the consequences and regret it later. “My family is very poor, so don’t spend money indiscriminately.” Not long ago, I saw a netizen’s sharing describing a father and son he met by chance. A father took his child to KFC to buy children\’s meals. What was supposed to be a moment full of laughter and fun, instead the father chose to undergo a heavy lesson of hardship. He said to the child: \”You know, your meal only cost me half a day\’s hard work.\” The child\’s face, which was originally full of expectation and joy, instantly became solemn after hearing these words. stand up. He fell silent, and the light in his eyes gradually disappeared. Another mother posted on the Internet her daily routine of eating cabbage fried rice, and revealed that her son spent more than 30 yuan a day on school meals, and a cup of milk tea cost more than 20 yuan. She originally expected this move to gain sympathy and understanding from others. But unexpectedly, netizens were extremely disgusted by this and advised the mother not to eat it without suffering. Looking through the past updates posted by this mother, it is not difficult to infer that the living standard of this family is at least moderately prosperous. The most terrifying thing in a family is not poverty, but the \”poverty\” in the parents, which puts great pressure on the children by crying about poverty. It is certainly admirable to cultivate the quality of diligence and thrift in children, but it cannot be achieved by crying about poverty. Real education lies in parents guiding their children to establish correct consumption concepts and learn to live within their means, rather than blindly telling their children \”This is too expensive and we can\’t afford it.\” I am reminded of a friend whose treatment of her daughter was deeply touching. After her husband went bankrupt, the family\’s finances were in dire straits, and they were so poor that they couldn\’t help themselves. She had no choice but to turn to her parents for help to tide over the difficulties. My friend used to be a typical housewife. Faced with the sudden change, she frowned all day long and ran around looking for a job to relieve the financial pressure on her family. At this time, her daughter, who was in third grade, used her pocket money to buy a necklace worth thirty yuan for a friend. The child innocently said to his friend: \”Mom, don\’t be unhappy. I bought the most expensive necklace in the canteen. It will look very beautiful on you.\” Faced with this unexpected gift, although my friend was worried about the family\’s finances, situation, but she did not blame her children for spending money randomly. On the contrary, she was deeply grateful. She not only understood her daughter\’s filial piety, but also regarded this intention as the driving force for moving forward. Mother Teresa once said: \”We think that poverty means hunger, lack of clothing and no house; however, the greatest poverty is not being needed, not being loved and not being cared for.\” Chronic crying about poverty, may lead to two extremes. First, it makes children feel inferior and dare not own or pursue. They always live under the shadow of \”lack of money\”, and their hearts are full of thoughts that they don\’t deserve it. Life seems to be only black and white, losing the splendor and brilliance it should have. Second, children will engage in revenge consumption when they become adults, trying to fill their inner emptiness through material satisfaction in order to seek a sense of security, identity and control. They will try to make up for past shortcomings through constant indulgence, but often fall into deeper troubles. Family love should be warm and pure. Don’t let children carry excessive moral baggage and drift away from us. \”Everyone else can do it, why can\’t you?\” Napoleon Hill, an American successful educator, once said: \”Every child has many advantages, but parents are just the opposite. They always focus on their children\’s shortcomings. They think tube management Only the shortcomings of good children can help children grow better. In fact, it is impossible for a bad craftsman to make perfect porcelain. \”In order to spur their children, some parents will habitually use their own children\’s and other people\’s. Children compare. As everyone knows, every child\’s growth trajectory is completely different. Comparing one person\’s shortcomings with others\’ strengths will only increase troubles. Developmental psychology tells us that every child is different and there are huge differences between individuals. Each child\’s development speed, level of achievement and areas of expertise are very different. Therefore, we should accompany them to grow with a more tolerant and understanding attitude. In the satirical short film \”Other People\’s Children\”, there is a mother who is unsmiling and has high standards and strict requirements for her children. She always uses her neighbor Xiaomei as a benchmark and makes endless comparisons with her daughter. Whenever her daughter\’s grades dropped slightly, she would sternly reprimand her daughter for failing to live up to expectations, but her neighbor Xiaomei always came out on top, so her parents didn\’t have to worry at all. Amid her mother\’s scolding, her daughter became timid and full of fear of failure, and her self-confidence was shattered. After all the hardships, my daughter finally entered college. However, instead of praising her, her mother scolded her inexplicably. It turns out that Xiaomei passed the exam free of charge, but her daughter had to pay for the tuition herself. When her daughter entered the society and began to live independently, her mother still refused to give up. She often pointed out her daughter\’s love life on the grounds that Xiaomei married into a wealthy family. Finally, her daughter couldn\’t stand the endless comparisons and belittling, so she asked, \”Why don\’t you become Xiaomei\’s mother?\” But the mother shifted all the responsibilities to her daughter, complaining, \”If I had known you were so unsatisfactory, I would have I shouldn’t make do for you and your father!” Time passed and the girl became a mother. But her mother still did not change her old habit and asked her daughter to quickly enroll her child in an early childhood education class because other children had already enrolled. At this time, the girl decisively interrupted her mother and said firmly: \”There is nothing to compare. I will not let him become the second me.\” In the short film, this girl, because of her mother\’s comparisons and expectations, has always lived in In the shadow of \”other people\’s children\”. However, in fact, the neighbor Xiaomei is not perfect. She also has many unsatisfactory times in her life, but her parents are always patient and encouraging.she. Some people say: \”The biggest PUA I have received in my life is from my parents.\” Every child is unique, and they should not be bound by the standards of \”other people\’s children.\” Don’t be a picky parent, otherwise no matter how much you give, you won’t be able to get your children’s gratitude. \”I\’m doing this for your own good, don\’t be ungrateful.\” Calderon once said: \”Words are the most dangerous weapons. The wounds stabbed by swords are easier to heal than the wounds stabbed by words.\” In the TV series \”In the Name of Family\”, Qi Mingyue\’s mother is impressive. She has been trying to control the trajectory of her daughter\’s life. Not only does he repeatedly deny his daughter\’s choices, but he also invisibly deprives her daughter of the right to control her own life. When her daughter was ordering food, she thought it was \”just the third child\”. When my daughter was buying clothes, she started to nag: \”I don\’t like to be clean so I wear white.\” \”Black is not suitable for you. You should wear something brighter.\” \”You are so old and you still wear pink clothes. You have more time. Would you like to read fashion magazines?\” She believes that the only way to have a future is to be a lawyer or a prosecutor, so she desperately hopes that her daughter can be admitted to the University of Political Science and Law. However, facing her mother\’s strong control, Qi Mingyue was filled with struggle and resistance. At the critical moment of the college entrance examination, she even deliberately skipped the answer sheets just to escape from this suffocating bondage. From ordering food to dressing, from work to love, Qi Mingyue\’s mother always gives guidance from above in the name of \”I\’m not denying you, I\’m doing it for your own good and caring about you.\” Zhou Guoping once said: \”Children are only temporarily fostered with their parents. The day of farewell will inevitably come. You will miss him, but you can\’t go with him. The child will surely go on his own path in life. You can bless him, but you can\’t control him.\” One day, The child will grow up and embark on the journey of life alone. At that moment, you will be filled with concern, but you can only watch his back fade away. Therefore, it is a compulsory course for every parent to learn to respect the unique personality of their children, view their growth from an objective and rational perspective, be cautious in their words and deeds, and avoid unintentional words becoming a stumbling block on their way forward. I saw this sentence at the end of my writing: \”Words are really the least efficient communication device. They are the most likely to lead to wrong interpretations and misunderstandings.\” I deeply agree. Even if you are angry again, think twice before speaking to your children. Don\’t treat your children as a trash can for your emotions, use the language of love instead of scolding and commands, communicate well with your children, and sincerely accept and understand your children emotionally. Only when parent-child communication is smooth can education achieve immediate results.