Your child loves to talk back, but you are unable to refute? Congratulations, that\’s a good thing

I don’t know when, but I found that my smart little baby started to talk back and disrespect his parents. Sometimes what you say sounds really hard to refute at first glance. For example, Xiao Fu’s paper cutting made the ground dirty, so I asked him to sweep up the paper on the ground. He actually said plausibly: \”Why do you want me to sweep? Why don\’t you sweep? You are the mother.\” If I say that I haven\’t finished sweeping before eating, then you have to take 10 minutes from your play time to finish it. . At this time, he would say unreasonably: \”I promised that only my mother is good in the world. Why is my mother so cruel?\” This kind of rogue rhetoric really makes me dumbfounded. Of course, if a child talks back and disrespects his parents, this kind of thing cannot be treated as if nothing happened. However, for children who love to talk back, blindly punishing them may make the situation worse. It is a good thing for children to talk back. First of all, it is not entirely a bad thing for children to talk back. From another perspective, it is actually a good thing. 1. The brains of children who talk back are well developed. Talking back also requires children to activate their brain cells, organize language, use vocabulary, and perform certain logical thinking. From \”no\” at the beginning to \”why\” later, this is progress for children. 2. Children who talk back are not blind and never follow the trend. They have their own opinions. When a child no longer blindly agrees with his parents\’ opinions, this represents the awakening of his self-awareness. They even do not hesitate to use \”talk back\” to express their thoughts and attitudes. This does not mean that the child really wants to go against his parents. He is just explaining himself and expressing his attitude. The so-called \”success\” and \”truth\” are all relative. If a child has no independent opinion and only knows how to follow the footsteps of others, it is easy to lose himself. The questioning spirit in children who talk back can lead them to find themselves. 3. Children who talk back are more confident and brave. The teacher in Xiaofu\’s English class recently reported to me that he doesn\’t like to interrupt much in class, nor does he like to raise his hand to answer questions, unless it is a question that he is very confident about. Paying more and more attention to other people\’s opinions of themselves is a change in children\’s growth. In today\’s academic environment, children are very concerned about what others think of them, and they dare not express even if they have different opinions. It will be difficult for such children to have independent personalities and thoughts in the future. But children who dare to \”talk back\” have a unique temperament. They dare to express themselves and have the confidence to protect themselves. When parents do not take their children\’s talking back as a serious matter, they will naturally feel much calmer. The next thing you need to understand about the reasons why children talk back is that the reasons why children talk back and behave disrespectfully are usually nothing more than the following situations: 1. Testing the parents\’ bottom line, especially children who are approaching adolescence and in adolescence. 2. The child feels that he has been treated disrespectfully and begins to fight back. 3. Attract parents\’ attention and get the response they want. 4. The child was in a bad mood at the time. 5. No one has taught children to communicate and interact politely. How to deal with your child talking back If you find your child talking back, you can try the following methods: 1. Tell your child in a calm and respectful tone: \”If I ever spoke to you like that, I apologize. I don\’t want to hurt you.\”You, but I don’t want to be hurt by you either. Can we start over? 2. Count from 1 to 10, or use other methods of positive \”time-outs\” to avoid retorting to your child by saying: \”You can\’t talk to me like this.\” ” 3. Use your child’s “talk back” as a message to understand the situation (it may be telling you that something is wrong), and deal with it after you and your child have calmed down. 4. Pay attention to your child’s feelings , rather than focusing on your child\’s disrespectful behavior. Say to your child, \”You\’re clearly angry right now. I know it makes me angry too when you talk to me like that. Let’s all take a moment to ‘pause’ and calm down. We’ll talk about it later when we’re both feeling better. I want to hear what makes you angry. 5. Don’t use punishment to control your child. When you and your child have calmed down, you can find a solution that is respectful to both of you. 6. Tell your child how you feel: “When you talk to me like that, I feel Very sad. In a moment I want to talk to you about another way to tell me what you want or how you feel. Or, you could say, \”Stop, I\’m wondering if I did something to hurt your feelings, because that would definitely make me unhappy too.\” 7. Don’t respond with commands. Decide what you do, not what you want your child to do. Don’t try to control your child’s behavior, control your own. Leave the room calmly, without saying a word Talk. If your child follows you, go for a walk or take a shower. After a cooling-off period, ask your child, \”Are you ready to talk to me now?\” \”It\’s most effective if you let your child know ahead of time what you\’re going to do. \”When you talk to me disrespectfully, I will leave the room until I feel better and can communicate in an atmosphere of love and respect. 8. Use your sense of humor. You can say: \”I must have heard wrong.\” I guess you want to say, ‘Mom, could you please help me pick up my shoes? Because I\’m too lazy and don\’t want to pick it up now. \’\” 9. If you are not too angry, try hugging your children. Sometimes, children are not ready for your hugs. Other times, a hug can create an atmosphere of love and respect between you. Reflect. The above-mentioned methods for children talking back can temporarily alleviate the situation of children talking back and disrespecting you, but you still need to reflect on it afterwards to see if you can fundamentally solve this problem for your children. 1. Reflect on your daily words and deeds. Think about what you usually do to your children. Is the child too controlling or too pampering, creating an atmosphere of power struggle? 2. Do not order the child, and avoid irritating the child. Usually, your usual disrespect for the child also teaches the child to be sure to disrespect you. You didn\’t make disrespectful demands on the child that \”offended the child.\” \”Don\’t order the child, but establish daily routines together at family meetings. 3. Pay attention to communication skills and learn to use \”I messages.\” Say to the child, \”You pick up the paper on the ground. \”Why not replace it with \”I saw a lot of paper on the ground, what\’s going on? ”, this will be much more effective. 4 Make sure the child knows that you love him/her. Make sure the child knowsShow your parents\’ love for him, but also let him know that after you and your child have calmed down, you will find a solution that is respectful to both of you. 5. Apologize to your child for your disrespect. For example, after asking Xiao Fu to pick up the paper on the ground, I can say, \”I feel that I was disrespectful to you when I ordered you to pick up the paper. I don\’t respect you, and How can I ask you to respect me? So I want to apologize to you.\” Let your child know that you cannot \”force\” him to respect you, but you will work hard to respect him. 6. Let the whole family learn to communicate in a respectful way, focusing on solving problems rather than on people. This way every member of the family will feel respected. Children talking back is an opportunity for both of you. In short, parents who find their children talking back should not get too emotional first, because when a child hurts your feelings, you can easily retaliate with punishment. But this can make matters worse, because in trying to teach your child respect, you are setting an example of disrespect for your child. When children talk back and disrespect their parents, this is actually a good time to change from passive to active. If you can view the specific issues of your child\’s talk back and disrespect as opportunities for you and your child to learn together, then the situation will be different. So, – the world will not change, your mood is good or bad because your perspective of looking at it changes.