Your child won’t tell you how terrible your self-righteousness is.

Recently I have noticed a new conversation pattern at home. \”It\’s not good for you to lose your temper all the time. You have to learn to manage your temper.\” We told our son seriously. \”You should also take care of your temper.\” \”Don\’t always think about watching more TV. Pay attention to protecting your eyes.\” \”Don\’t always stare at your mobile phone. Protect your eyes.\” \”Go to bed early, go to bed early Getting up early is good for your health.\” \”You should also go to bed early.\” When encountering such a conversation, all I can do is \”Okay, okay, I can do it too.\” Then he was defeated. When my friend heard about it, he said, \”This is a problem that you always make when you say you respect him. In our family, if I say something, he won\’t listen and just starts to fight. He always obeys me.\” The friend said this. At that time, I looked very satisfied. Looking back at my family, this kind of dialogue requires more time and patience. Because after this war of words, those who should be regulated must be regulated, and those who should be taught must be taught. More importantly, you still have to change what you should change. Because if you think about it carefully, the child\’s answer makes sense. We always ask our children to do what they want, but we have no requirements for ourselves. This is a bit confusing. Because you have told your children that everyone is equal. Then we must treat everyone equally, and of course we must treat everyone equally. If you respect and encourage your children to express their opinions and opinions, your children will express their thoughts. If you usually understand your child\’s behavior, treat your child with a positive and positive attitude, and cultivate your child\’s \”high self-esteem,\” you are destined to be cautious. Of course, if a family does not cultivate this culture of democracy and equality, children will not have the opportunity to express themselves, and their self-esteem will be ignored. That child must be willing to be your \”little pet\” obediently and will not show any complaints. And you will also think that this is love. Why do many children who were very well behaved when they were young slowly change later on? He started to be disobedient and started to fight against you. This is not puberty syndrome, this should be called \”love deficiency syndrome\”. Because the child has never felt true love in his heart. Why is this happening? An equal and democratic family atmosphere will generate respect and self-esteem, which is the prerequisite for the circulation of love. It\’s like a water pipe, if you block it, the water can\’t flow at all. And tyranny and neglect are what clog the pipe. But those self-righteous parents often like these two things. I just didn’t feel it at the time. Wang Shuo said in \”Letter to My Daughter\”: \”I don\’t remember loving my parents. When I was young, I was afraid of them. When I was older, I started to annoy them. Later, I was in conflict with them, making noises when I met them. Later, I looked down on them. They avoid them. On the one hand, they feel responsible for them and should treat them better, but they just can\’t do it or pretend. Later, when they think of them, they feel sad. \”To the parents who gave birth to you, you You will be confused and confused. Sometimes I find years later that I misunderstood my parents. But sometimes, you feel that the original pain is still so real. You want to make amends, or you want to escape. It\’s all pain, all because of my own heart. My parents didn\’t think about it and understood it. In many cases, the children have not yet said it, but the parents already have the answer. And the child must bear it before letting go. The child must be forced to admit his mistake. I have a colleague who said that what he fears most is his parents’ self-righteousness. When she was a child, she once borrowed a novel from a classmate. It was so good that she could read it under the quilt with a flashlight in the middle of the night. One night, she was so excited that she was still giggling under the quilt. Unexpectedly, the quilt suddenly flew away. I turned around and saw my mother standing there with the light on. Then he glanced at her book. She quickly closed it, but she didn\’t expect that it would be even worse if she closed it. Because the cover illustrator shows a man and woman holding hands and cuddling. \”What book are you reading?\” \”Nothing.\” \”Take it out, what book are you reading?\” Mom was very excited. She put the book behind her back and stared at her mother. I thought to myself, \”Get out of here quickly! Don\’t ask.\” \”I knew you had poor grades this year, and you must have been affected by something. I didn\’t expect to read some such cheap books.\” When she heard that cheap word, she felt her face It feels hot, but I don’t know how to refute it. She didn\’t remember what happened next. It\’s just that mean word her mother said that she always remembers. In fact, she wanted to tell her mother that it was just a very normal school novel, without the dirty plots she imagined, but she knew that no one could change what her mother believed. Even if you show it to her, she won\’t look at it and may even think you are insulting her. So she chose to remain silent and silently accepted her mother\’s self-righteous accusations. She said that now that she has a child, what she does most is let her child speak. Because she was afraid that she would be like her mother back then and hurt her children with her self-righteous attitude. Only those who have experienced it will understand that kind of hurt. When children are young, they have their own ideas. You have to get close to them, understand them, and accept them. Instead of attacking, blaming, and self-righteously arranging everything. I once read a story about a primary school teacher who took a group of children to play in the water. A little girl suddenly started to take off her clothes one by one as if no one was watching. In the eyes of others, this child\’s behavior is really bad and must be stopped immediately! Let her know her shame! But the teacher resisted and did not stop it, and just continued to wait. Finally, the little girl squeezed the water from her clothes and started playing without any distractions. And none of the classmates around him were abnormal at all, because they didn\’t pay attention to this female classmate. But if the teacher yelled or someone pointed at the child, what kind of reaction would this girl have? The world of children is pure. When facing children, you must not be self-righteous. In \”Little Doudou by the Window\”, it is also mentioned to take a bath in the school swimming pool. Xiaodoudou and other first-grade classmates ran to the auditorium and saw that the older children were taking off their clothes noisily! Moreover, after taking off their clothes, they were naked as if they were taking a bath in a bathhouse, and ran to the campus one after another. Xiaodoudou and the others also quickly took off their clothes. The hot wind blew, and my naked body felt comfortable all over. The principal\’s purpose is to let the children know: \”Any body is beautiful.\” Because among the students in Ba Academy, there are several children like Taiming who suffer from polio and have abnormally short stature and physical defects. , so the principal also has this idea: Let them strip naked and play with everyone, which in itself will remove the shyness of those childrenPsychologically, it may also benefit them from developing a sense of inferiority. And it turns out that this approach is correct. However, in the eyes of parents, this may not be feasible. You know, many of our parents think it is bad for their daughters to wear a shorter skirt in summer. If there was such a school, I might sue the principal. There are also many parents who, after having children, feel that they can start preaching their own life creed. You can start to realize your unfinished dreams in your children. So I talk to my children about how to be a good person, talking about big names like Jack Ma and Ren Zhengfei every day… I hope to use the stories of these people to inspire my children to achieve the achievements they dream of. But when we say it, we forget the fact that the children will be the children of the future, they belong to the future. The past does not belong to you, and it does not belong to you. In the past 30 years, what you have experienced, your children have not experienced. But we cannot imagine what kind of era our children will experience in the next 30 years. When you talk about the same cliche and use your own backward experience to plan the future for your children, you find it interesting, but what will your children think? If you think you want him to serve as the iron rice bowl, maybe he prefers to start a business in his heart. If you want him to start a business, he may prefer a stable life. As a parent, don’t be too self-righteous. Because your self-righteousness is really scary.