Your support for your child determines how far your child can go

Yesterday, I was chatting with the mother of a boy in my son’s class and learned that this boy has two very special hobbies: bird watching and fishing. The mother said that although both hobbies are a bit niche, especially bird watching, as long as the child likes it, they will fully support the child. They took their children to visit places around Beijing where they can watch birds, and learned that there are hundreds of species of birds in Beijing, and the different characteristics and habits of each bird. They took their children to participate in public welfare activities organized by the Bird Watching Association, sponsored by the Beijing Bird Watching Association. Professors from the Biology Department of the National Normal University taught children how to do banding; they took the children to the mudflats near Yancheng, Jiangsu, to watch a bird that flew here from Russia for a short stay every year and was listed as a critically endangered (not endangered) animal; they I bought all the domestic bird-watching books to read to my children. Now my children are no longer satisfied with this and have begun to read original English bird-watching books. Regarding the hobby of fishing, parents also bought professional books and related equipment for their children (although it was expensive), helped him download relevant apps, joined the fishing association, contacted and communicated with professionals, and sent him to participate. Fishing summer camp, etc. At present, this 9-year-old boy has reached a very professional level in fishing. I admire this mother\’s support for her children\’s hobbies. I believe that all parents in the world who love their children are willing to provide the best environment and conditions for their children and provide the greatest possible support for their children\’s development. But in what aspects should we support our children? How to support children? What kind of support is best for children? These issues are also worthy of our deep thought and discussion. Action support allows children to feel love and care. The first step is action support. For example, the parents of the 9-year-old boy above provide the greatest support for the development of their children\’s interests and hobbies. When children are young, parents need to pay attention to their children\’s needs and respond in a timely manner; parents need to understand their children\’s interests and provide help to the best of their ability; respect their children\’s differences and wait patiently for their children to grow. Parents\’ support in these aspects can make children feel loved and cared for, laying the foundation for their children to have a sense of security throughout their lives. Japanese child psychiatry expert Masami Sasaki wrote in the book \”Pay Attention to Children\’s Gazes\” that \”education in infants and young children is to respond as fully as possible to the children\’s requirements and expectations.\” He pointed out that satisfying children\’s wishes, Children will not be spoiled. On the contrary, only children who are fully satisfied can have a better sense of security, a stronger sense of trust in others, and can develop better self-discipline when they grow up. This is because if a child\’s wishes are not fully realized, he will have greater distrust of others and a sense of powerlessness towards himself. Such children will become less confident and less likely to win when they grow up. trust of others. Therefore, when the child is young, the most important support for the child is to meet the child\’s needs and wishes. As children grow up, parents need to constantly observe their children to understand their children\’s talents and interests, and continue to provide support in the things their children like. There are many parents around me who still have children before they go to elementary school.We can enroll children in corresponding interest classes based on their talents and interests to provide corresponding support for their development. After entering elementary school, parents\’ attention is focused on learning, and their children\’s scores affect every nerve of parents. Especially in the upper grades of elementary school, children\’s various interests and hobbies have to give way to study. If you study well, everything will be fine; if you study poorly, nothing else will matter. Even the mother above who supports her children\’s hobbies is actually a little anxious. Her support for her children\’s hobbies has an important prerequisite: it cannot affect learning. \”Poor parents all over the world\”. Parents work hard for their children\’s studies. They buy houses in school districts, choose schools, accompany their children to do homework, and enroll their children in various cram schools: Mathematical Olympiad, English, composition… But like this Are attention and companionship really what children need? Or, is this alone the best support for children? A few days ago, I was chatting with a mother from a key school in Chaoyang District, Beijing. She said that her son had just entered the fifth grade. In Chinese, English, and mathematics, he scored 100 points in one subject and 99 points in two subjects. He was already ranked fifteenth in the class. In addition to her name, there are more than a dozen students who have perfect scores in all three subjects. The children are under great pressure to study, and her main task is to watch her children do their homework every day. She feels that she is tired and the children are tired. Note: Staring, not accompanying, because she found that the child would write seriously only if she was by her side; occasionally, if she couldn\’t be by the child\’s side to watch something, the child would be perfunctory. There is nothing wrong with paying attention to children\’s learning, but the key is whether the companionship and support we provide to children is truly beneficial to them. Just like the above mother\’s practice of accompanying her child, the child became dependent on her for homework, and did not really help the child develop good study habits and living habits; if the focus of companionship is only to supervise the child\’s study, if companionship makes us physically and mentally We are exhausted and overwhelm our children, so what is the meaning of companionship? I believe that true companionship can bring joy to both us and our children. For example, accompanying our children to do sports or games and enjoy the fun of parent-child interaction; accompanying our children to participate in important activities or ceremonies, and celebrating certain achievements of our children. Celebrate and let the child see how proud we are of him; read with the child, discuss a character or plot in the book, and feel the inheritance of human wisdom from reading; walk around with the child and discover the natural alternation together Or the context of the city, cheering for the vastness and beauty of this world together… Emotional support, giving children confidence and warmth. In addition to providing support to children in action, emotional support is also very important for children. Emotional support includes: understanding and acceptance of children\’s emotions, encouragement and praise for children\’s efforts to make progress, tolerance and guidance for children\’s wrong behaviors, and the patience and attitude of \”waiting for the flowers to bloom\”… Although some parents They try their best to provide good material conditions for their children, but they are relatively lacking in emotional and spiritual communication with their children. Especially after their children enter adolescence, many parents feel that their children are drifting away from them, and they are worried about this. measures. In fact, emotional support for children begins withIt starts as soon as the child is born. For example, when the child is young, although we want to satisfy the child\’s wishes as much as possible, parents are not omnipotent. If we cannot meet a certain request of the child, we can reject the child gently but firmly, and at the same time express our understanding of the child\’s wishes. , this can make the child feel that although his parents cannot realize his wishes, they still love him and respect him. When a child works hard to do something, although he may not be able to do it very well or be very successful, we must see the child\’s efforts and pass on our appreciation and praise to the child. For example, if a child builds a Lego tower according to his or her own ideas, do not deny the child because he did not follow the steps in the instructions. Instead, you should encourage the child\’s creativity and efforts and let the child feel the joy of completing a piece of work. A sense of achievement, so that the child\’s self-confidence will gradually increase. When their children make mistakes, some parents are accustomed to yelling at their children or telling them a lot of nonsense. However, they do not know that their children will feel guilty after they make mistakes. If we adopt a tolerant attitude and patiently guide children on the correct behavior, children will feel the warmth of their parents and be more willing to reflect on themselves and improve their behavior. On the contrary, if the parents reprimand the child, the child\’s attention will only focus on the parent\’s anger, which will not only be detrimental to the child\’s ability to correct his mistakes, but may also cause the child to be afraid and unwilling to communicate with the parent in the future. With the recent broadcast of the TV series \”Little Separation\”, there have been many articles discussing the issue of social class recently. There is a view that families at the bottom of society can only give up the right to higher education in despair, and \”education changes destiny\” seems to have become an outdated slogan in today\’s social environment. It is true that every family has different economic strength, social relations, etc. This is a conclusive fact, but it is not only families with favorable economic conditions that can provide the best educational resources for their children. There is indeed a bias in educational resources, which is also an indisputable fact. However, it is impossible for ordinary and ordinary parents to raise healthy and outstanding children. The story of He Jiang, the first Chinese to give Harvard’s graduation speech and a doctoral graduate, is the best interpretation of “reading changes your destiny”. This student grew up in rural Hunan and went to the city for the first time when he was in college. His father, who had not graduated from high school but did not graduate from high school, insisted on telling stories to He Jiang and his younger brother before going to bed every day. His mother, who was illiterate, always She asked He Jiang and his brother to read the stories in the textbook to her. He Jiang said that his mother always encouraged them, and he could always find the greatest confidence from her. It is the simplest parental love for children and consistent emotional support for children that has become the driving force for He Jiang to defy difficulties and competition, continue to make progress and improve himself in the future. In fact, the support a child needs does not necessarily mean that the parents try their best to send him abroad, nor does it necessarily mean selling off the land to buy a house in a school district, but that the parents use their full love and deep affection for their children to support them. The most beneficial way to pass it on to children is to let them grow up without fear of wind and rain and move forward bravely because of this love and affection. There is support, and there is a periodWait, children will grow better. Dr. Laura mentioned a research result in the book \”Parents Peaceful and Children Happy\”, which can be represented by a four-quadrant diagram as follows: The horizontal axis represents the parents\’ expectations for their children, and the vertical axis represents the parents\’ expectations for their children. Based on expectations and support as indicators of support, parents’ parenting styles can be divided into four types. The four quadrants represent loving and guiding parents, permissive parents, completely indifferent parents, and authoritarian and strict parents. The first quadrant is loving and guiding parents, who have relatively high expectations for their children and are also relatively supportive of their children. They will set certain rules for their children, but at the same time they can channel their emotions and maintain a close relationship with them. When such children grow up, it is easier for them to become self-disciplined people and to achieve success and happiness. The second quadrant is permissive parents, who have relatively low expectations for their children and relatively high support for their children, but there may be problems with the direction and method of support. This type of parents may provide their children with sufficient support financially and materially, but because they have no requirements for their children, they will be more doting on their children. When these children grow up, they are prone to anxiety and have a weaker ability to resist frustration. The third quadrant is the completely indifferent type of parents, who have relatively low expectations for their children and have little support for their children. Such children rarely succeed when they grow up and have lower levels of happiness. The fourth quadrant is strict parents, who have high expectations for their children but do not provide enough support to their children. They can be very strict with their children, asking them to do things their way, making high demands on their children, but not providing enough support for their children\’s needs. For example, when children make mistakes, they will severely punish them, but they do not provide emotional guidance to the children, nor do they provide correct behavioral guidance to the children. It can be seen from the results of this study that children raised by loving and guiding parents in the first quadrant are more likely to be successful and happy in the future. Therefore, while we provide appropriate support to our children, we can also make reasonable demands and expectations for our children. As long as our expectations are in line with the child\’s nature, can be achieved by the child\’s efforts, and are truly beneficial to the child\’s development, our requirements and expectations will become a strong driving force for the child to move forward; and our love and Support will become the eternal driving force for children\’s healthy growth.